Welcome to Mind Over Medium, a series where I interview creatives about their work, their mental health, and the interplay of the two. For this first entry, I interviewed artist Ashley Sorensen. Ashley works in a number of mediums; I’ve included some of her watercolor paintings here.
Who are you, and where do you live?
I’m Ashley Sorensen, and I live in Bucks County, PA.
Do you have any mental health diagnoses (self- or otherwise diagnosed)?
I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) my senior year of high school. I’m also fairly certain I have CPTSD, but haven’t ever received an official diagnosis for that.
How has mental health, yours or those around you, affected your life?
It definitely makes things more complicated than I’d like a lot of the time. I have a lot of physical manifestations of anxiety, so my body doesn’t always feel great. When you throw health issues into the mix, it can be really difficult, and incredibly frustrating. It also tends to trigger a lot of health related anxiety on top of the regular anxiety, so that’s a whole other thing to navigate.
CPTSD is also a lot to navigate. I didn’t realize that so many of the things I was grappling with were textbook CPTSD things until I started seeing other people talk about it. It was a real “aha” moment for me. I also think it’s difficult for both my spouse and child to navigate sometimes. I exhaust myself pretty frequently, so I’m sure it’s tough for them, too. They never make me feel bad for having anxiety or anything like that, but it can impact my day to day life in inconvenient ways, and it’s definitely aggravating.
In terms of how the mental health of those around me impacts me, it kind of depends. I have a lot of really amazing friends in my life who also struggle with mental health, and having them to relate to is truly a gift. For example, when you explain anxiety to someone who doesn’t experience that on the same level as you, they try really hard to understand and relate, but they also tend to point out that something you’re anxious about isn’t really rational, or they’ll be like, “Just stop worrying about it.”
I’ll be sitting here thinking, “I know! I know it’s not rational, but that doesn’t mean I can stop myself from feeling this way right now,” and they don’t understand why. If I could just not have anxiety, I wouldn’t have anxiety. I can’t just magically shut it off.
When you have the same conversation with someone who has similar struggles, you don’t have to over explain things. You don’t have to rationalize your feelings to them. They just…get it. Sometimes I really need that.
On the flip side, I have unfortunately had several friends die by suicide over the course of the last twenty years. My first experience with this happened when I was 15 years old. It’s a lot to process and it never gets easier. I think of all of them often. I wonder what they would be up to. I wonder if we’d still be in each other’s lives. I wonder if they’d have families, or what their careers would be, or what wonderful things they’d have accomplished. It hurts me to know that they were in so much pain.
It’s definitely impacted me in a lot of big ways.
How does your mental health affect your work?
Sometimes it makes it difficult for me to be productive. I’ll be too burnt out or in a bad headspace, and it makes me struggle to start or finish a project. I have a few paintings sitting around right now that fell victim to that. I know I’ll eventually go back to them, but it’s hard to pick something back up once you’ve moved on and started other things. Conversely, sometimes being in a bad place is really motivating because I know the positive impact creating has on my mental health.
How does your work affect your mental health?
It helps it significantly. There are times where I’ll be in a real hole, and I have a hard time pushing through it to work on my art, but when I do eventually get there, it makes a world of difference. I’ve been making art since I was a little kid. I’ve always loved it. It’s always saved me. I grew up in a really unhealthy and volatile environment, and art was really one of the main things that helped me through all of that. I find that creating provides a healthy outlet for all of the tension, anxiety, and negativity swirling around in my body and mind. Even just doing a goofy doodle can make a difference. I try to engage in creative outlets regularly because of how amazing it is for my mental health.
How do you work through it?
Honestly? I just keep reminding myself that I know it’ll make me feel better. Sometimes it takes a while to push through and create, but I know once I do, it’ll feel really, really good. And it always does. Every single time, without fail.
Do you have any other artistic aspirations?
I love learning how to do new things, so I try to pick up a new skill yearly. Last year I taught myself how to crochet, which has been super fun. I’m loving it. I haven’t monetized it or anything, but I really like making gifts for my friends’ kids. I’m big on giving handmade gifts.
This year I want to learn how to embroider. I’d also love to learn how to do stained glass. I’d also really like to spend more time with oil paints at some point.
I primarily do watercolor illustrations. I make art dolls, do the occasional pet portrait, and a few other random bits and bobs, too, but my first love is watercolor. I just really like creating, and my favorite part about doing it is seeing other people genuinely enjoying the things I’ve made.
So, I guess at the end of the day, my biggest aspiration is to keep doing that. I want to keep making people smile. Life is hard for a lot of people, especially right now with the current state of things, so I would really like to keep providing joy and comfort where I can.
Do you have a therapist? Tell us about them. What modalities do they use? What do you find most helpful about the work you do together?
I don’t currently, but have had a couple of really wonderful therapists in the past, and they were incredibly helpful. I’m one of those people that thinks everyone should go to therapy, to be honest. I think it’s great. I tend to prefer therapists that are trauma-informed because it’s something I really need. I also look for therapists that are progressive. It’s important to me to work with someone who shares my morals and values.
What inspires you?
Everything. Music, film, nature, my family, my friends, books, you name it. I can find something there that turns into a little spark. I tend to paint a lot of horror/fantasy characters because I gravitate towards those genres so much, and I’ve found that a ton of other people do too.
What are you reading/watching/listening to right now?
I’m currently reading Dolores Claiborne by Stephen King. I’m loving it, but I adore Stephen King, so reading one of his books is always a pretty safe bet for me. He’s gotten me through some of my most difficult times.
I’m watching Dark Winds at the moment. It’s pretty good. I put it on one night on impulse and got hooked pretty quickly. It’s got a nice mix of mystery and murder with a little dash of the supernatural. I’m also watching The Pitt. I think it’s one of the best medical dramas I’ve ever seen, and I really like medical dramas. I’m dying for Yellowjackets to come back this weekend! It’s easily one of my favorites. Super gross and intense, but so fun.
As far as music goes, I’ve been really into Beck lately, which is kind of weird because I was pretty sure I didn’t like him until about five months ago. I was clearly wrong. I also listen to a lot of Elliot Smith. I like to pop on a hardcore album while I’m cleaning, so Drain, Knocked Loose, and Turnstile have been frequent spinners on my record player. I have pretty eclectic taste in music. My teenager is always like, “How did your playlist go from Noah Kahan, to Pennywise, to Sufjan Stevens, to Deftones like that???? It’s so weird.”
I like what I like, I guess.
Has a song or a piece of art ever saved your life? If so, what is it?
I think every song I’ve ever heard and loved has probably saved my life to some degree. Music is one of those things that just really makes life worth living, in my opinion. I can’t get enough of it. “This Year” by The Mountain Goats has kind of been my personal theme song for more years than I’d care to admit. I’ll be really struggling and I’ll pop it on and belt it. It helps.
I can also confidently say that IT changed my entire life. I know that sounds completely insane, but it’s true. How could a book about a murderous, shapeshifting clown creature possibly change someone’s life?
There was a specific line involving Beverly and her abusive father that hit me right in the gut. It was a complicated thing I’d felt for years and years, but was never capable of articulating. I felt very, very seen, and I actually had kind of a breakthrough after. It was like, “Wow, that’s exactly it. That’s the thing that I haven’t been able to say, and here’s someone saying it for me.”
That book started my love affair with Stephen King. He’s my comfort author which, again, I know sounds insane. He’s gotten me through a pandemic, a really scary health diagnosis, and will also probably get me through my upcoming hysterectomy. I know that’s probably not exactly what you meant when you said a piece of art, but when someone asks about art, my mind kind of lumps visual arts, literature, film, and music together. I can’t imagine a world without any of them.
Share some words of wisdom with us.
Oh, jeez. This is probably the toughest thing you’ve asked me to do. I think anyone and everyone can make art. I don’t think it has to be a masterpiece to matter. People tell me they could never do this, or paint that, or draw something, or sculpt anything all the time. I hear a lot of people say that they’re not talented and could never make art. I always tell them they’re wrong. Like I said, anyone can make art. Everyone can make art. You can, and you should! Take the risk. Get outside of your comfort zone. What’s the worst that will happen? You make something goofy looking and you get to laugh about it? You might find out that this is the thing that’s been missing, that this is the thing you needed to find to help yourself heal. So, I say do it. Buy some paint, grab a canvas, order that embroidery kit, learn to crochet, take that pottery class you’ve been mulling over. It could change your whole life.
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